Friday, December 12, 2008

Cheated

Some body made a promise to me. 4 hrs later he broke that promise with a remark ‘promises are made to be broken’. The feeling I felt then was the pinnacle of series of frustrating feelings I had been feeling over a period of two months at the end of which I was cheated of 15000/- of my money. I was na├»ve. I did a lot of mistake dealing with the guy. I have been a fool. All this doesn’t mollify the anger I feel at being cheated.

The kicker is he could have only cheated me of 11,000 of my money but simple nature of giving benefit of doubt to people was taken so much advantage of that I ended up giving him 4000/- bucks more as bail money. Why bail money? Well the guy was a drunkard. He was basically trying any ways to get money to get booze. And he used to end p in trouble because of his drunkenness. Police came knocking on the door, dragged him away. I ended up paying the bail money. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t.

Even as I write this, I feel anger and also a bit of hope. A hope in honest nature of people. That said, I have become so untrusting of people. I am now looking at all dealings with a fear. I don’t like this fear. Probably this is a rude and painful way to make me learn about not being too trustful. To have any transaction in writing. To not expect people are as straight dealing as you are.

But no matter how much learning I may have from this bitter experience. It still hurts and I so badly want revenge.!

Friday, October 10, 2008

LINES

Simple lines drawn over a plain surface. Life is full of simple lines. They say there are no curves. Just a merging of simple lines. Every thing in life is simple lines. To see what’s at the end of the curve requires just to follow lines.

Lately whenever I am bored, I just draw a random line. Then using this line I build on some shape. The shapes mostly don’t have any meaning. Some times they take some shape. People say the shapes are a peek into what’s going on in my mind. I really don’t know what to say to that. I nowadays really don’t know what’s going up there myself.
But I do know that drawing these lines relaxes me. I let me direct all nervous energy and thought to a paper.

I been lately doing the above a lot these days. Nowadays I kind of wonder people whose work involve drawing lines, about how much relaxed must they be. The truth could be far from what I am thinking. Their lines may not be random. They may not start with a couple of random lines. Even if they do, theirs must make sense at the end.

Or do they?

Architects, fashion designers, stylist, car designers, interior designers etc etc. I wonder what fun or tranquility they would be experiencing. If they are not, what feeling, they should be experiencing.
Now I am curious. What do they experience when they make those lines? And what do they experience when those lines become some hard object they can feel with their hand. Is what they feel then something real strong?

Some may ask me why I aint in those fields.

Simple fact is , many can draw a line. Few can even make some shape of the lines. A small percentage can only make that shape mean something to the rest.

I am not in that percentage.

So I rather sit and draw lines on my own for my own viewing and tranquility. At least I know I get peace from them even if the professionals may not. But I think never will experience the feeling when you see your lines on paper as something 3D.

But one can still dream and hope.

The robbery

Yesterday while going back home, I witnessed my first crime. A simple robbery.
The perpetrator supposedly snatched something from a lady in the bus and escaped.

Some of you may be surprised how I in my 23 years of existence never witnessed one before. Simply because of my 23 years of existence , 18 were spend in an Arab country where thieves once caught ended up losing a limp as punishment. Anyway back to the account.

I should feel sorry for the lady, but frankly I was excited and impressed by the simplicity of the robbery. The bus was traveling on the highway. The perpetrator after snatching some thing from the lady jumped the bus, casually ran across the highway to the opposing traffic lane and crossed that and hopped behind a biker who was waiting for him and drove away. It was obvious at that point they choose that spot because of the speed of the traffic and presence of the bus stop. The entire crime took him like 15 seconds from point of snatching to escape on bike.

I have always hoped to witness some crime. Simply because I always day dreamed to be jumping to the rescue and saving the day. Well in this case, before I could even realize what was happening, the bugger was across the road and approaching the bike. I was watching all this inside the bus talking to some one on the phone.

Damn I didn’t have sense and jump out the window. Damn there was no abandoned vehicle nearby for me to give chase. Damn the robber for not stopping and showing his arrogance, during which time I would have been ready to chase him.

Anyway most of us in the bus just stared dumbfound, some of the fellow passengers chattering something in Marathi. After a few minutes, we continued on our way, the incident mostly forgotten. I too could have. But I decided to pen it down would be doing justice to that lady.

Of course my motions would have been totally different if it was from me something was stolen. I would probably want to murder the guy. But he made a wise decision and went for the lady’s stuff.

Suffice to say I am glad I decided to go by bus that day!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I am Bored

Does it seem like the days are getting more and more boring that you are getting numb to the feeling.

It is becoming more like get up from bed. Take a bath. Go to work. Work work work. Get back.
Nowadays the work part seems like blur. Not because it’s fast and exciting but simply cos u can’t remember what is so worth that u did at work and it all seems a blur.

I slept so well last night. Beautiful deep sleep. That is rare. But when I arrived at work and spend an hour here, I am sleepy again. I am sitting here and yawning away.
Yawn.. Even now!

My mind can’t think of ideas. And at last today I get a job that requires some thinking and I can’t seem to do so.
My favorite work nowadays is to keep calculating how much our project cost. It involves no brains. Its easy esp. with excel. No need to think, just type in the nos. but now I have to think.

My thoughts keep revolving back to the fact that I have no other thoughts. I try think and all I think is about the fact I can’t think.
I would like to blame all this on Monday blues, but deep down it aint. I simply lost my will to work here.
People who knew few years earlier would be surprised at such a comment of mine. I was known as a workaholic.
I thought I was one too. I was proud of that.
Then I met my boss. He is a true workaholic. I am proud now I aint what he is.

Work life balance. The attempt to balance your work and personal time.
Here, it’s a slow realization that works is life and balance everything else in the few hours away from it. No one seems to realize there is more in life than just work.

Question to all.
Would u find work close to where u live or will live close to where u work?

Answer to all
Should there be either such consideration?

Monday, March 17, 2008

STORIES OF ABSENTMINDEDNESS!!

Stories of absent minded ness!


I am an absent minded person. Some say it’s a sign of a genius. Some say it’s a sign that I might get Alzheimer. I know while I lie the idea of being a genius, I definitely don’t like the idea of not recognizing that fact. But anyway we are side tracking. The main point of this write up is to mention instance of my absent minded activities. Here are a few…..

The simple absent minded habit of wearing the shirt inside out and walking around are one for which I have a claim on. Similarly forgetting to zip up after taking pee is another. But these are common ones that could happen to many. But I have more.

Everybody stops while moving on the way to buy something, or pay for something while on a hurry. I am always fixated on the hurry part that there are times where I moved on failing to pay for the services rendered to me. Of course this can end up in dangerous repercussion if I always didn’t have this lost look on my face. It practically is my best help. Like for example I was so lost in my thoughts one day while walking along bandstand that initially I forgot to pay for a corn cob I bought. When I paid for it I forgot to take the corn cob as I was leaving. Yes I am very proud of that one.

I have brought up with good manners. I been thought after eating food, I should clear the table and wash the plates. I realized these good manners have been too much ingrained in my genes. I end up following this habit even in restaurants and canteens too. I would be having a good meal, lost in my thoughts, and when I finish, I stand up , take my plate and take it along with me to the wash room for cleaning. It is only when people stare at me that I realize what I done. Again my embarrassed and sheepish smile sort saves me some grace. But there are times when I would also have to scuttle out of the restaurant.

Well today a recent case of absentmindedness occurred. I was standing in the line in the canteen and I was musing on absurdity of the sign ‘don’t miss use the napkin’. It was then I realized that I reached the position for the dish I wanted to eat without actually taking a tray from beginning of the line. Suffice to say I put on a brave face, walked to the beginning of the line and took the tray. Stupid sign!!

An incident that occurred in college that I still remember is my close touch at failing a paper. It was the exam of heat transfer. I had written the apper well and after the stipulated time for the paper, I collected my things and walked back to my dorm room. Fast forward 2 hours later when I opened my bag to take something out, I found that among the stuff I collected from the desk in the examination hall, I had also bagged my own exam answer sheet. I scooted from ther immediately with the paper in my hand to my professor. I begged him and luckily for my face, he accepted the paper and decided not to punish. May he not burn in hell unlike many others wish him to. Yup he wasn’t that popular but he is forever in my good books.

What I mention now is the worst instance of my absentmindedness. I was traveling in the local Mumbai trains to work. During the 40 min ride, I had decided to pass time by sending flirtatious SMS to a girl I was courting. As my involvement was absolute in this activity, I failed to notice that my stop has arrived. I rushed out and was walking towards the cabs when I realized something was odd. A weight seems to be less on my shoulders. It was suddenly with a painful jerking thought I recognized that I had forgotten to take my laptop that I kept on the rack. Yes I had lost the laptop that my company had issued me. To compound to the loss, I had kept my parents flight tickets too in that laptop bag. Well suffice to say I have been til now saving up money to pay for that laptop.


So I am sure the very seriousness of my absent mindedness is driven in all. I am sure my friends after reading this would be gracious enough to bring forth many instance of my absentmindedness that I forgotten in my typical nature. So I say to them, bring it forth!!!

The wait

The wait

Patience is a virtue that is much advertised about. It is indeed a great one to have. I am especially a patient person. I have amazing patience with people and many other things. But the question I wanna ask is when it is too much?
When is having patience to a degree beyond necessary!?

I am writing this as I sit and wait for someone. Is it testing my patience? No, cos I am used to it. And probably I would wait even more, but I wonder to what extend. My patience isn’t strained at this point. I am not irritated. I have been waiting for an hour now and probably could wait an hour more. But is it worth it?

I hate wasting my time. I am a guy who likes planning my day to the minute. But ever since this patience for a wait set in. I have grown less respectful for my time in the same degree others have. Is that right?

Sometimes I wish I had no patience with people. The ability to get angry and let it out is actually a great one. A ability I wish I always could easily call forth for. But my sense of reason always argues and fizzle out any such rising emotion. Maybe its also that I have no guts to burst forth. Unlikely but possible too.

The last time I do remember getting real angry (mind u this based on my rather poor memory) was in 10th standard where I literally blew and pounced on a guy whacking him. Oh I hated that feeling then but nowadays I wish I could call it forth now. Not to whack anyone but at least let them hear a piece of my mind.

But what can I say, even as I sit typing this written form of a rant I am anything but blowing steam through my ears. In contrast, writing this is probably just letting me cool down.

So what was again the purpose of this article.


Sighhhh………………..to let of steam…what else!?


Wait another hour and u may see a second one!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

THE MALADY OF A HUG!

THE MALADY OF A HUG

Life has brought my fair share of instances where I have been hugged. Some are romantically inclined, while others out of friendship and yet others for lending support or for support. Now I am all ok with the practice of hugging for all above reasons and some more. Though what I am not ok are unexplainable ones. You don’t know what to do with unexplainable ones. I dunno if I am expected to hug back in such cases or feel offended or do nothing.

I aint saying that I hate it. No, all I am saying is that these hugs have me confused.
No bloody perverts, not ‘confused’ as in confused about my sexuality, but confused as in the purpose of the hug.

Now many would wonder why I am ranting about hugs here. I again point out this aint a rant. This is a civilised introspective dialogue with the readers, monosyllabic maybe but nevertheless a dialogue. Thus dialogue is inspired by a recent hug I from a very high ranking board member of the company I work for. It wasn’t the hug itself that confused but more the circumstances.

This is the plot. I walked into the gentleman’s office for a matter. The situation with the matter involved a bit of mild inconvenience for him which made him mildly irritated to put it mildly. Anyway he calmed down decided to deal with the matter with all its inconvenience, damn admirable I must say. Later on the same evening I went to met him to get a feedback on the matter. I was informed by his secretary that our gentlemen seemed to be still a bit peeved about the whole affair, to put it mildly. The wise secretary (though in retrospect not that wise) suggested I get my senior and let him enter the lions den. So I called in the reinforcement in the avatar of my senior.

But somewhere along the way some sort miscommunication happened as a result of which my senior conveyed to the gentleman that I was standing outside scared to enter like a rat quivering outside the lions den. On hearing this, the gentleman was apologetic and surprised. He called me in and upon seeing profusely apologised and tried comforting me in the assumption I was scared of him. He further tried pacifying with a handshake and when I thought that was that, he came around the table and hugged me.

Suffice to say I was baffled and felt the entire situation surreal. I had to hug him back and I was immediately distracted by the nice way his suit material felt. Thus here I was standing like idiot all grinning while this fine hearted gentleman was saying sorry and hugging me. I was bloody confused at the entire scene that seems to have unfolded. As I left the office in a daze, I literally shook my head to clear the old noodle. I realised I was just hugged by a guy who even needn’t know of my existence for no apparent reason.

For a long time now I have spend pondering over the hug. It baffled me, this hug and that man. I wouldn’t say I lost sleep over it but definitely a few winks. I asked all the experts of hugging manner of big men, even they were baffled. Most tried to mollify me by saying, be glad it wasn’t hugs and kisses. Now that would have been even more troubling. Anyway whatever they said, I was still perturbed.

A few days later I met the gentleman for another matter. As we were discussing the trivialities of that matter, my mind was building up the courage to get into the core of that hug. It seems it was then he remembered who I was (till that point I was messenger boy) and went on to explain how his ego got him peeved and the result of which I got scared (which I like to point out I was not) and he felt the need to comfort me. I guess now that’s why he hugged me. It was to comfort me. Well nicely intended though it did anything but comfort me au contraire it just made me bloody antsy.

Some one should give him a hand books on how to hug and find me a handbook to interpret these hugs. Any way the incident has left its mark on me and I have been rather more receiving of hugs in more good faith. Of course that just means more chance more lecherous people to take advantage of my innocence.

BORE THE DUM!!

BORE THE DUM!!


I have read the news for the day. I read all the gossips in the newspaper. You can only call them gossips now since none seem worthy to be called news. I finished picking my nose and licking away the coffee stain on my pant. After doing all this fulfilling activities I was bored. Of course I did the earlier activities on the account that I was bored but the difference now is that I have no other worth while activities to divulge myself in.

I could as usual doodle, but I am bored of drawing profiles of rather twisted faces that I see in my head. I could research online for places I can go for my usual romantic tryst (read steaming hot sex) with my girl friend but scourges of the corporate has blocked my success to find such places. I have already tried out the different connotations brewed by the coffee machine and my imaginative mind ( esp the lemon coco coffee combo, the tasteful worthiness of which shall be discussed elsewhere), so that options out too.

I could, as part of preparations to my ..ahem…romantic tryst, send sweet nothing mails to my gal all day but unfortunately she seems busy all day or even worse has unfavourable thoughts on the romantic tryst slated for later on. Also in the same spirit I could mail irritating & humorous mails to many people and bug them. That’s cos the mails are humorous to me and irritating to them. But I seemed to have forwarded all I have.

I can’t read a book here and even if I could I have finished whatever books I had. My mp3 is not working which on later reflection is good cos I didn’t like the songs I had in it . I couldn’t change the songs cos the bloody software is screwed up and I can’t change the songs. So no music for me.

I could indulge in self attentive activities like pulling dandruff from my hair…but no more dandruff left (the shampoo worked too well). I could pull hair from my nose or arse, but too painful. I realise now my options are shifting from a rather mindless to a disgustingly gross activity. I could take a walk but I too lazy and it’s hot. I could eat but it aint time for lunch yet and later I would get more hungry if I have an early lunch. I could indulge in a nice little chat with my colleagues but them aint as bored as I am. Their bloody loss I say!. Calling some poor sod on the phone and chatting is also an option but I was one never for on the phone impersonal gossiping. I feel more in touch with online IMing but here too the scourges of the corporate have their blighted hands at play.

Unfortunately things are getting desperate now. The more I became bored, the drowsier I was getting. But unfortunately my company had a strict no sleeping at work policy and they frown at even a small nap. The options are now dwindling and I am getting more bored of thinking of options. My eyelids are now feeling rather heavy with weight of boredom and lethargy that has been induced by the boredom. I am frantically searching for options. At this moment counting ceiling panels seems inviting, so does making paper planes. But the first options was glaringly dumb and the second a waste of paper and I knew not origami.

In the end I just took a pen and started writing. I wonder if this is how great writers are born. Maybe not writers but I am convinced surely columnists!

Monday, March 10, 2008

One Day at Work!!

One Day at Work!

One day at work, I realised I was bored.
This is though not startling to the core.

I am always so bored, so they say
True it may be, especially this day!

So I dwelled on what to do with this predicament,
I pondered many options that failed to cement.

Before I knew, I was conjuring shapes on paper
Shapes that seemed would only spew from a demented reaper.

Nevertheless I decided to conjure shapes out of the air.
Demented weird or evil it may be, not to care, seem to e fair.

‘Oh why so?’ asks the horde.
I answer, ‘simply because I realised I was bored.’

Monday, January 7, 2008

THE BRAIN DEAD MOVEMENT

THE BRAIN DEAD MOVEMENT

The brain dead movement is a unofficial struggle brought forth by the brain less class of leaders that run a country. They decided that through this movement by making the masses brain dead they wud do some good and expect to divert the country in a direction of absolute waste and confusion. The catch is once the masses are brain dead they would know none the better. The logic of this plan is that they hold in reserve a not so brain dead candidate who they bring out in the final hour as the messiah and who brings in idea which at that time seems clever but in the present state of firing grey cell would be still stupid. So now the brain dead masses follow the leader and soon rise to a state of semi brain dead…. At which point the rival party of bain dead leaders who lead another brain dead movement to revert us all back to nill gray cell activism!
So this is an end cycle from which the masses rise from semi brain deadness to full scale moron ness!! One might as where are the intellectuals and the clever ppl. Where are they indeed? I have a theory that when the intelligent folks come near the brain dead ..the over powering brain dead rays coming from the masses just shuts down all their power and they revert to a brain dead stage. Man is intelligent… ppl are brain dead!

Let us now dwell deep into brain deadness. Why is there so much brain dead ppl exist? What poses a mass of ppl lose last realms of sane thought and go on rampages that are violent destructive and cause pain. There are many theories going around on this. My favourite brought up by a noted thinker Mr. Reyan Remar . he suggests that during such mass get together the rising heat causes pheromone levels through sweating rise. These levels in such huge mass combined quantity which detected by the olfactory senses of our brains, which he suggest are linked with brain dead behavior. Though in a short word ..when masses get together ..the stink make them brain dead. This theory thus also suggest why certain ppl have more brain deadening effect on people than many others. This mainly cos they sweat more. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the people in question are brain dead themselves. If u notice sweaty ppl are the last to notice their stink. So they have natural defense. So these ppl are the lucky ones who are un affected mostly and always end up looking cleverer than the most.

So what can we do for this. Deodorants.. talc powders are clever sublime products brought forward by well meaning companies against this rising threat. What we need now is a spread of awareness among the people about this threat. Companies making the deo’s should point out to the treat directly in their ads! Its now their social responsibility. I am sure they can get tax exemption from government my linking this in part with their corporate responsibility. What else is there.? Avoid getting together in large groups I wonder if that aint too radical a measure? Well in these dire times I guess radical measures are needed. Maybe that is why curfew are there and in some countries they say ppl above a certain numbers need permission to congregate! They feel the potential danger of such an act. These governments must be really clever.



A situation I recently noticed of this mass phenomenon is the traveling of people in Mumbai in the local trains. At times of rush people are squeezed together and crushed in a small space where obviously there will be a huge rise in pheromone levels. What else wud u expect in such an environment. There is cussing, rude and angry behaviour where minutes are not gone when u here verbal duels going on where each try to intimidate the other into submissions. This is not observed in a near empty train. More reason to believe in Mr. reyan’s theories?