my mind spilling forth!!

A City too easy to run into!!!

2011-07-26T15:19:00.001-07:00

I have been living in Cardiff for a year and half now. It’s a small sweet city with a lot of fun packed with in it. People who love Cardiff says one of its greatest appeals is that it’s a small city.

I have to agree that its small size is very good. Especially for a student who has no means of transport and is too much of the stingy guy to travel by the public transport. I can walk around easily to different parts in this city.

But this city’s size is also its bane. Having one main shopping and central area in the city, means you may run into people you know. This is ok when you are in a good sociable mood. Then it’s a pleasant surprise, few words are exchanged and then you slowly move on. You find the moments fleeting and lovely.

But when you are not in the sociable mood, it becomes a pain. You are walking along thinking of various things that bothering you that day, many usually on a given day, and then you bump in to someone you know.

This individual is usually is someone you get along well with and enjoy the conversation with but at this moment, he/she is the most irritating person for you. (To all potential people I will meet on the street... please, it’s not you, it’s me.... I am the weird one). At such moments your mind is racing to think of reasons why you need to rush away and be somewhere else. These moments are anything but fleeting. They are long and as lovely as a prickly cactus thrown in your face. (Yes I did think a bit for that comparison)

So dear friends.... I like reiterate... it’s not you...it’s me!

Anyone else has interesting observations on the size of this city?

DECADES

2010-01-25T04:12:00.000-08:00

In this year 2010 I turn 25 and I feel like contemplating the past 2 decades of my life and what I hope is the next one.

The first decade of 1991- 2000 would be decade of my childhood. It’s a decade where life main worries were rather simple and easily resolved. You were mostly without worries and full of play. This was a decade where I mostly spend in the country of UAE. Frankly most of the main ambition during this time for me was about how well I scored in my exams. I was a bit of a nerd.

The second decade of 2001 – 2010 is about growing up.. It is about maturing from adolescence into a man. It was mostly a decade where you learned to step away from your parents control and safety and face the world on your own two feet. It’s the time of deepest of most conflicting emotions and confusions coupled with absolute inexperience and ignorance on how to deal with them.

It was in this decade I started to become really interested in females and the birds and the bees and slowly becoming aware of them. It was a subject I was rather obsessed about and I ‘researched’ a lot on it. There were many other interesting worries that troubled me during this decade. But the most preoccupying topic that concerned me was “what do I want to do and become?”. It was definitely a topic that worried me a lot. Being in the Indian educational system, I followed the formulas and supposition and became an engineer. The basic assumptions where that if you did great in 10^th, you should take science in 11^th and 12^th. From there on your only choice is to be an engineer or doctor. Since I never had much of liking for biology I went on to become an engineer – a mechanical engineer at that since I liked planes (go figure).

And I worked in an automobile company. But I didn’t do any work connected to my stream. I was involved in internal communications and change management.

After 2 years working there, I am now going to go for my higher studies. But a course in film producing and I now believe I think I finally found the field I want to make a career out of.

That was what this decade was about. It was about maturing, self realization (the basic stuff) etc. This was also the decade where I spend the most time in India.

I now look at the next decade as the decade of anchoring. It will be the decade where I make the foundation and the direction of my career. It would be the decade where I finally figure out the kind of partner I am looking for and settling down with her (hopefully) and I hope this would be the decade where I finally find a place I want to settle down. I have also decided to try to have the maximum of experience in this decade and to be more risk taking. It took me the last decade to realize that lie is about all these little experiences and I intend to use the coming decade to rack up a lot of it, including travelling to more countries. I start by doing my course in UK.

So here is to the next decade. I look forward to it with great optimism (a lil concern). I hope it will be the same for others

KERALA DIARIES: Hitchhiking

2009-10-28T21:53:00.002-07:00

One of the more interesting activities I do while I am in kerala is hitchhiking. I only do this for short distance say from the town to my village etc. This saves money and unnecessary time wasted waiting for a bus and autos here are swindling in their rates. so here are few rules and conditions to enjoy this.

Rule 1: only ask for hitchhike from a 2 wheeler.

This is because in the off the chance the person offering the ride has nefarious purpose, he cant do much while he is riding the bike and the intended victim is sitting behind him and can do more damage or harm to him than vice versa. So in such cases the danger is to the driver. This is of course not an invitation to you all to do something to the poor soul who gave you a ride. Besides this advantage, a bike is something you can also disembark easier from than car in case of trouble (easy to do if you have practice ). Also riding pillion on a bike allows you to enjoy the scenery more.

Another added advantage is also the fact that since the driver is facing forward and you are behind him, there is less possibility of intrusive conversations taking place. (since most people need to see each other while having conversations)
Also in the event of the driver just leading you off in the wrong way and at a high speed, you can easily from behind him, reach and apply the brakes. He can’t do much since he is concentrating on the driving.

So only ask for a lift from a 2 wheeler

Rule 2: know your path somewhat

This is simply because when somebody stops and ask where you wanna go, you should not pass off the impression that you have no idea of the route and the location. A sound knowledge besides preventing scorn would also discourage any potential kidnappers.

Rule 3: always have a back up plan

This usually involve the presence of a normal transport bus that may be plying on the way or an auto. But admittedly, I myself have hitchhiked a lot of time where neither of this were available.

Condition 1: be ready to walk in case no rides
This is the basic premise. You may not get a ride and you should be ready to walk out the few kilometers you were hoping to get a ride. So its best to carry along something to drink and music.

Condition 2: only do it when you have time.
If you don’t, you are desperate and you make mistakes and end up taking the wrong ride with the wrong person.

Condition 3: be ready to do tandem hitchhikes’
You may not get the lift all the way, so you may have to take one half way and another rest of the way. It may even take 3 lifts. I say all the more fun.

So with these rules and conditions in mind, I wish you all happy hitchhiking.

KERALA DIARIES: On my way to Cochin

2009-10-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

Early morning I got up and decided to go to Cochin to get some work done. During the bus ride to Cochin, one passenger in the bus started making an issue about the price of the ticket.

His argument was that the ticket was overpriced by ‘2’ rupees and the justification offered by the bus conductor that the price was more since it was limited stop fast passenger bus doesn’t hold. Now I am not sure about the strength or validity of his argument or the bus conductors, but I believe once you made your point no need to repeat it. But this passenger was constantly grumbling about the ‘injustice’ by the ‘money squeezing’ bus devils against common folks. The fact that his constant badgering of the bus people was irritating other common folks around him doesn’t seem to bother him. Rather I think their so called ‘apathy’ was infuriating him.

Another thing I never get about these constant whiners – if he doesn’t like the service of the bus why does he choose to continue traveling in the bus. He can always disembark and take a much non greedy bus folks. I guess he felt it was his solemn duty to grumble in face of such ‘injustice’.

I guess there was some benefit of his whining. The conductor decided to give him back his all so precious 2 rupees. But at this point the rupees had become a symbol of oppression, because he didn’t stop even after then. He just continued to grumble and even more fervently in my opinion.

In the end it was one of the common folk fellow passenger who got bugged and told him to shut up. But oh my!! That fellow became a conspirator to the bus folks. This made our fellow passenger bugged and no uncertain terms made it clear that fellow ought to shut up or else.

I couldn’t of course catch the or else part as my stop arrived. But the entire experience reinforced one of my many observations – never a dull moment in public transportation.

KERALA DAIRIES: The need to chat!!

2009-10-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

It has been two weeks since i am back in Kerala - My home state.

Most of the time i spend cooped up in my own house, happily involved in doing stuff that requires minimum interaction with people.

But when i do have interactions, there are times with it is taxing, embarrassing, irritating etc. Though once in a while there can be situations when it is amusing.

Couple of days ago,I was returning from a trip into town and i decided to have the bike of mine washed at a service station.

As it was being serviced, i had to wait.

The owner of the establishment meantime decided to strike up a conversation with me.

In that half an hour of waiting he basically coaxed out of me, where is my village, where i worked, how long i worked there.

Once he learned i was in mumbai, he commented on his few years in mumbai and how a fast life it is over there.

This is an instance of a taxing conversation. I did not want to talk. I was happy watching wash the bike.

But the amusing instance comes next.

Post the washing, i took the bike and headed to fill it up with petrol.

Situation is , i was having a slight diffculty in balancing a bottle of coke i was having while riding the bike, so when i coasted to a stop at the pump, the coke bottle fell down. the lady at the pump with a laugh handed it back to me.

As i was struggling to open the fuel cap with the key, the lady attending started telling a story of a drunk customer who too seemed to have a difficulty opening his cap.

She went on to comment on how scared she was and how she is scared of drunks and mad people.

All this while i was under the assumption, she was talking to her fellow employees but when i looked up , i realized she was talking with me.

I couldn't understand ,if in that nano second of returning back my bottle we had made some connection and she felt the need to tell me her phobias of drunk and mentally ill people.

As i drove away from the pump i realized, it wasn't a connection. she was just using the story to get me to open fast the damn cap i was struggling with and that i was acting like a drunk.

Coming to think of it, she might have probably thought, the bottle of coke was actually booze.

(a trick used by booze loving expatriates in gulf countries)

Needless to say , i have decided to use such encounters to see the amusing side of peoples need to interact

CARE FREE

2009-10-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

I am now at a point in my life,

were everything would lead to strife.

I have to now choose,

if i ever want to be loose.

I am so scared of the decision,

never free of the tension.

I want to be free,

to live life carefree.

FAREWELL LETTER

2009-09-30T05:22:00.000-07:00

Some of you I know very well, while some we have only had minor interactions.

But whatever the duration, what ever the interactions,
Through sight or sound, I will always treasure it.

If you ask me why, it is simply because…

I used those moments to learn, I used those moments to teach!
Hopefully we are both wiser now!

I used those moments to understand you more, I used those moments to open myself more!
Hopefully we are not an enigma to each other any more!

I used those moments to help, I used those moments to ask for help!
Hopefully we are both grateful for the assistance!

I used those moments to argue, I used those moments to fight!
Hopefully we both aren’t bitter anymore!

I used those moments to joke, I used those moments to tease!
Hopefully we both had a good laugh!

I used those moments to reflect, I used those moments to impress!
Hopefull we are both much enlightened!

One thing for sure these moments are what I would treasure
in my life as a mahindrite!!

old stuff - Chronicle of mumbai part 4

2009-08-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

update 6:

have been done and over with mah shop floor training....yay!!
also with the change i have been given a new job profile related with HR...i grasped the oppurtunity and now me in worli!!
yup mah new job profile takes me to worli...
but these ppl still wud only provide me accomadation in kandivli
so guess now i have to travel in the rush and commute...
initially when i thought of this i was rather apprehensive!! but being an early riser..i kinda avoid the worst of the crowds in the morning.......
either that or i am more adaptable in nature than i thought of!!
another good thing outta of this chage...better office enviroment...no school kids kind uniforms and i can have all sat offs!!...also i get a laptop!!
muwahahah!!
but i am losing a lot of dough on food and travel...
no more free food like in the plant!!this can be worked round...
but i get free coffee an time i want from the coffee vending machine!! also after wrk if i aint tired..( rather doutful thing) i can go for some things in town

old stuff- Chronicle of Mumbai part 3

2009-08-31T06:41:00.000-07:00

Update 4:

yesterday i decided i need to satisfy mah need for something artsy
so i went to nariman point and watched the movie "shoot em up".
boy did that suck...it was so ridiculously stupid and crappy that it was funny!!

but then i went to the NCPA and check out a play!!
i saw the play one small day by anish trivedi!!
it was good!!...cost only 150 rs!!

update 5:

what i did today was abuse mah legs so much right now they under deep care!!
i walked from bandra ..taj lands end..till off link road!
then i walked from atria mall to mahalaksmi station..going all around the race track there and ending up at the station
and then i walked....from church gate staion to ncpa and back to churchgate staion in a diff more complicated route..!!

why was at taj?
to sheck this seminar conducted by NUS university.....i came to find out i can only be eligible for that college in 2009!

why in atraia?
just to check that mall out...saw a rollsroyce and was happy...played a few arcade games...but overall..i wud still say inorbit is better!!

i shall check out infinity mall next!!
i believe i can see the entire mumbai by walking by end of this year!!

Old Stuff - Chronicle of Mumbai part 2

2009-08-31T06:26:00.001-07:00

update 2:
i have decided to adopt inorbit as mah second home..i am so comfortable with that place....it remind me of the mall near mah home!!
mah next destinatio to try out is the hard rock cafe....
also ppl keep telling me about bandstand...wud somebody care to explain whats great about that!!?

update 3:

went to bandra today folks!!went to this beautiful hang out place with a mumbaikar colleague...

real good place known as mocha!!spent hrs sucking on a pipe!!!

then decide to walk upto bandstand and cehck it oout!!!cool enuf place......the taj building is huge....i bet the flats facing the promanade wud cost a plenty

though thru the entire walk i was wondering why they called it the lands end!!

in the end i am glad at least they didnt call it "Taj - sea begins"

yes the place was expensive....but it is a fun place to hang out and the ambience was cool and the music was what i liked...!!

Old Stuff - Chronicles of Mumbai

2009-08-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

update 1:
today as it was founders day...i decided to sleep a long while...!!but around 11.00 couple of us guys and gals from wrk decided to go visit the "gateway to india"!!
and thus i had today mah first ride in the metros...!!it is great i agree...that is on a day like to day when u do avoid the rush!!well the guy mumbai local told me..so i was indeed avoiding a rush..but i thought so otherwise..!!....i belive i am yet to experience the real rush!!
anyway the good side is that i now know how to get to bandra..and it aint that difficult!!we got down and church gate and decided to walk all the way till gateway....not a good idea with a bad leg...
half way thru we popped into hat seemed like a nice enuf place giving sizzlers.....
the prices...blowed us away...and we ordered something for name sake and got out as fast as we cud!!.........
but do belive we were still in college wala spending mentality!!...have to shift to earning guy type!
but that said..i must find some source of cheap good non veg dinner place to have food on normal days...cos spending 100 bucks a day on dinner aint economical!!
anyway...after reaching gate way of india..we proceeded to elephanta caves...on a rather wet boat trip!!
It..was mainly unmentionable trip...cos me really aint that big history or sculpture buff to enjoy it to the maximum.....but had good time with teh others....at least i at last found a map to buy of mumbai there!!return trip was cool...cos the boat ride was windy with the sun just setting....!!....relaxing and invigotrating at the same time..!!
must say the plan of only taxis from bandra and south is rather clever and really seems to make traffic ordered!....trip back n metro less crowded....ok!!
but then the auto ride from kandivili station to this necafe...was ...lets say...eye opening!!
the auto driver seemed to been upsurped by one of the passenger who drove it half the way....and was in amood to wanna pick a fight with all other auto drivers......
i was thus exposed to a diff driving skill!!... the no of times we had near misses was lost to me!!...

i will never understand why anyone wud wanna drive a car here ..in these metros..!!
i mean what use is having all that horse power in ur hands and u can only drive at max of 20 at hort inetrevals...start stop...start stop!!
at least i got to learn some marathi..bad wrds...at least thats what i thought it was!!

OLD STUFF - CHRONICLE IN NASIK

2009-08-31T04:20:00.000-07:00

this a set of my intial observation when i ventured first time from south india to west india.
Update 1:
at last i have set foot in maharashtra...in this place called nasik.....
well first observation....much cooler climate...!!so i wont sweat like i do in kerala!!
second observation.....i shud control my outflow of english and its speed!! otherwise they dont get u!!.
...thankfully one of mah comrades were fluent in hindi!!...i asked a man about an internet cafe...and he was like....kya?
they have lodged me in this three star hotel.
..that is nice...they got cable...also cool
they got laundry too...cool
the prices are atrocious...not so cool
almost free food....coolall veg...not so cool!
so now i just have to get to wrk and see how things are...and if the stmosphere is great!!
i also have t find a way across this hindi block!!

update 2:
ok update on the chronicles..
the day started ok..until they told me abut the taxes...
i find it rather depressing that the more i earn the mor ei have to give as taxes....
but wait they have an escape...investments...
besides the " force it down ur throat" provident fund...u got the public provident fund..
the licthe fixed ddepositsw..mutual funds!mediclaim...etc...
so that i can reduce mah income to an amount for which i dont have to pay tax...which thru rough calcualtion means i will have 8000rs a monthh....
and here i thought i was going to get 18000/-
and to add to insult...i have uniforms and tomorrow i have to wear a stupid white t-shirt..(not that bad)and next a black...which have racing checks colars and sleeve ends!!
but at least in the end i have a nice hotel room to go to!!!!
no wait.....one which i share a double bed with another guy!!

Update 3:

todays update!!
i learned to day that this entire week ...senior executives will come and tak about their particular dept to us!!this is ok...
but i was really bumped to hear that i wud most probably be stuck in manufacturing dept in kandivili!!....u can't exactly communicate with a machine.

Earlu musings!!

2009-08-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

There comes a moment …or lets say moments than realize something about oneself.
Some moments tell u what you have the skill to do.
Some tell you what your weakness is. Recently I had a moment that told me something about myself. it told me I am rather narcissistic in nature.

I was alarmed at first. but then, maybe I was justifying, I realized to some extent every body is. To every one things happening around them has some relation to themselves. Is it true, I don’t know. But I admit I feel that a lot more than others.

Dictionary definition for this word is one who loves oneself, even sexually.
I do not like myself sexually. But I do love my life. I enjoy every moment I spend living it….the goods and the bads. The life altering and the mundane.

Why do I love it?
My main reason is that you have only one to enjoy. So do enjoy the maximum of it.
Of the course the pundits of after life and rebirth would say ther is more life later on.
I think that is bullshit.
Maybe because I am an atheist I feel so….you figure it out.

So instead of veering off the topic …let me come to the point. The moments that u spend your life aint all worth remembering. Only some you will. But to make sure you don’t miss out, we all should learn to enjoy or rather truthfully experience each and every moment of our life. Then only is the PURPOSE of life fulfilled!.

Purpose of life.

This is a term used by many for their own need to explain some means.
So do I use it, with out shame or chagrin!
What would I define purpose of life?
To have a sinless, humane life?
Well no….cause what most things that come under stereo typical definition of sins aint so according to me.
So to make matters clear , in my opinion the purpose of life is to live it ,enjoying it with the single direction aiming at once happiness.
As simple as that!!

STAR SIGNS AND THEIR ACCURACY!!

2009-07-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been feeding my weird urge to read as many stuff on my zodiac sign.
I have continuously pouring over different sites which includes Linda good man stuff.
I have to admit, they are some what accurate in how they describe me.

Of course now I wonder is that just wishful thinking about how I want to be. I wonder if what ever I read is something that I wish or think I am and all these description is subconsciously twisted by my brain to appease me. If that’s the case, then whoever wrote this are the best at the business of suggestive writing.

But on the other hand, there are many things about the universe that isn’t known to us. Astrology in the end talks about the effect of different stars and constellations effect on human beings. We all are continuously being bombarded by rays from all these cosmos inhabitants. More comforting is the fact not any astrologers (professionally respected) tries to claim that zodiac signs have any connection to a supernatural being. It is a supposed science. So there is some validity in it. In fact I seem to agree with most of the description about my sign.

So what does all this mean to me?

I have found it all a bit comforting and giving clarity to what I am about and what I probably am. It gave base to some nagging suspicions I have about myself and confirmed some others.

Is this ok to do?

As some friends suggested you end up stereotyping yourself to situations and instinctly dealing with them.

So I guess I have to react to situations instinctively but immediately see if the description holds true then.

Let’s see what the stars make me do!!

The Cycle Trip

2009-07-16T01:33:00.000-07:00

It was in the monsoon season 2005 and i was in my 3rd year of mechanical engineering. i studied in NITC ,an esteemed college, which has a lot of extra curricular clubs. One of these was the ADVENTURE CLUB. My good friend, who was the head of this club, organized a cycle trip from our college to a waterfall spot around 25 kms away.

There were 6 of us. 5 guys, 1 gal. The route was a scenic passing through small towns in rural Kerala. The flipside of riding through this scenic, rural atmosphere is that we get the amused, astonished and curious stares of the local inhabitants. I don’t think they have observed that many young people riding on bicycles with a backpack wearing t-shirts and three fourths. Needless to say, we were a sight for them too.

Around half way into our trip, one of our friends cycle got a puncture. Our initial rudimentary attempts at fixing it on the spot were very unsuccessful. i shall admit at this point my feelings for my good friend who organized the trip wasn't that good. Me and another of the adventurist decided to take the damn wheel and walked back to the nearest town where we hoped we might find someone who knew better how to patch a tire than us.
Of course once in the town, the sight of two long haired, unkempt youths wearing t-shirts, bermuda and carrying a tire along with them invited a lot of smart ass comments.

One such was “I think they fell off a plane"

The trip wasn’t that fruitful. The next step was that we had to bring the entire cycle back to the town. We went back, got our entire group together and started back. Of course we all were pushing our cycles.

Then it started to rain. The thing about rains in Kerala is they don't drizzle, they just don’t fall lightly. They pour. They pour so hard; you are wet to your undergarments’ in a minute.
There we can’t hope that we find a shelter and it will get over fast. It rains continuously for hours.
So now here we were 5 guys and 1 gal wet and walking. Shoes sloshing, specs fogged, feeling really cold. It was miserable at that point. But when now i think about it was fun.

So we walked in the rain all the way back, again inviting even more smarty comments about idiotic wet kids. We fixed the cycle and went all the way back to our college in this rain.

It was miserable then, but fun when you think about it now.

Of course a week later my good friend did the trip completely with out interruptions. i decided not to join.

Because it was raining!

Arrested Flight

2009-03-09T06:35:00.000-07:00

Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Time is moving slowly

Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Time is sailing further away

Tick… I am Bored
Tock…. I am still bored.

Birds, weather, landing gear crappy..who know?
But for some reason… my flight at ‘Tick’,
Doesn’t even come for ‘Tock’

Tick… I open my book
Tock….I don’t wanna read it.

Tick…. A plane lands.
Tock…..Not my flight.

Tick…… I look at my watch
Tock……Only a minute gone

I can’t count ticks and tocks in 40 minutes
But I realize there are 2400 of them.

Tick … I see a pretty girl
Tock…..I see her beefy boy friend

Tick…. I order coffee.
Tock…..I order another.

Tick ….. I get an SMS
Tock……I get another bloody one.

The time kept ticking away
Till all seemed rather surreal.

Then the fight landed!

I HELPED!

2009-03-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

Most of us have really pumped up opinions of ourselves. We have images and notions in our end about how we would act in face of certain situations. We imagine ourselves fighting off a mugger, intimidating an eve teaser, saving some one from a fire or some other danger. I dream and have notions of myself about such stuff. I assume most of us do. Most of us pass our lives never getting an opportunity to test it out. But a recent experience made me wonder. Is it that we don’t get chances or that we do but we fail to meet the expectations of our notions or worse we decide to not recognize such opportunity due to the inconvenience it causes us. I fear it is the last.

I believe people do the latter cos they are sure if they do recognize they will end up proving their notions wrong. So rather than face such truths, people rather act as if particular situations don’t meet their specifics. They console themselves that a particular situation can be ignored as it doesn’t rate the magnanimity of their time. Maybe I am being too harsh but the harshness is needed cos that is what probably will jolt people out of their false reality.

The incident which resulted in such reflection was simple. I was passing by the road to go to the laundry, where upon I cam across this female sprawled on the road. This road wasn’t deserted. For those who are familiar with the area, it was directly in front of a restaurant near lokandwala circle in kandivili. People are not gathering around her. They stand at what they believe safe distance and observe her. People like me pass by, see her, make a wide arc around her avoiding what I believe was some aura she was emitting. To summarize what was happening, it was walk, stare, avoid, stare some more and walk away.

Sadly to say, this is what I did initially, I saw her, walked by her, stopped and stared and walked away. All this while I was convincing myself like all the others who passed by with excuses. “It is the police or municipalities job”, “probably a drunk”, “some one must have called the police already”, “maybe she is dead already, shouldn’t get involved”. Telling myself these seemingly valid excuses, I continued down to the laundry. But due to a nagging conscience, I tried to pass the buck. I told the laundry guy that there is some woman sprawled on the road, she might need help. He took this news as I expected him to and answered as I expected “it is the municipalities’ job”. Then my mind started negating all excuses. If it’s the municipalities’ job, how do they know some is sprawled? How do I know for sure it is a drunk and if she is ok? How can I be so sure that some one might have called?

All these thoughts was churning on my return trip. I saw that the lady was still lying there. Then I decided to do something, I found the police emergency no and called it. Gave the description of situation and where she can be found. I waited in the general area until the police van came. They attended to her. I decided I should approach the cops and identify myself as the caller. They took down and my name and address. I wondered what the need of that is. There was a worry it would trouble me. But the biggest kicker of all in this situation was that the female was indeed drunk. My battle with my conscience was for some drunk.

But in the end I was happy. Even though late in reacting I did stand for something of what my notion of myself demanded. Of course I should have reacted faster and immediately. I am still ashamed that I had to convince myself into acting. But I least I am glad I acted.

I now wonder did the others who passed lost the same battle, or consoled themselves in the way I initially did or didn’t even bother to face such a battle and pushed it out of their minds

I ask those were not present there, what would you have done?

Cheated

2008-12-12T05:05:00.000-08:00

Some body made a promise to me. 4 hrs later he broke that promise with a remark ‘promises are made to be broken’. The feeling I felt then was the pinnacle of series of frustrating feelings I had been feeling over a period of two months at the end of which I was cheated of 15000/- of my money. I was naïve. I did a lot of mistake dealing with the guy. I have been a fool. All this doesn’t mollify the anger I feel at being cheated.

The kicker is he could have only cheated me of 11,000 of my money but simple nature of giving benefit of doubt to people was taken so much advantage of that I ended up giving him 4000/- bucks more as bail money. Why bail money? Well the guy was a drunkard. He was basically trying any ways to get money to get booze. And he used to end p in trouble because of his drunkenness. Police came knocking on the door, dragged him away. I ended up paying the bail money. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t.

Even as I write this, I feel anger and also a bit of hope. A hope in honest nature of people. That said, I have become so untrusting of people. I am now looking at all dealings with a fear. I don’t like this fear. Probably this is a rude and painful way to make me learn about not being too trustful. To have any transaction in writing. To not expect people are as straight dealing as you are.

But no matter how much learning I may have from this bitter experience. It still hurts and I so badly want revenge.!

LINES

2008-10-10T06:15:00.001-07:00

Simple lines drawn over a plain surface. Life is full of simple lines. They say there are no curves. Just a merging of simple lines. Every thing in life is simple lines. To see what’s at the end of the curve requires just to follow lines.

Lately whenever I am bored, I just draw a random line. Then using this line I build on some shape. The shapes mostly don’t have any meaning. Some times they take some shape. People say the shapes are a peek into what’s going on in my mind. I really don’t know what to say to that. I nowadays really don’t know what’s going up there myself.
But I do know that drawing these lines relaxes me. I let me direct all nervous energy and thought to a paper.

I been lately doing the above a lot these days. Nowadays I kind of wonder people whose work involve drawing lines, about how much relaxed must they be. The truth could be far from what I am thinking. Their lines may not be random. They may not start with a couple of random lines. Even if they do, theirs must make sense at the end.

Or do they?

Architects, fashion designers, stylist, car designers, interior designers etc etc. I wonder what fun or tranquility they would be experiencing. If they are not, what feeling, they should be experiencing.
Now I am curious. What do they experience when they make those lines? And what do they experience when those lines become some hard object they can feel with their hand. Is what they feel then something real strong?

Some may ask me why I aint in those fields.

Simple fact is , many can draw a line. Few can even make some shape of the lines. A small percentage can only make that shape mean something to the rest.

I am not in that percentage.

So I rather sit and draw lines on my own for my own viewing and tranquility. At least I know I get peace from them even if the professionals may not. But I think never will experience the feeling when you see your lines on paper as something 3D.

But one can still dream and hope.

The robbery

2008-10-10T06:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while going back home, I witnessed my first crime. A simple robbery.
The perpetrator supposedly snatched something from a lady in the bus and escaped.

Some of you may be surprised how I in my 23 years of existence never witnessed one before. Simply because of my 23 years of existence , 18 were spend in an Arab country where thieves once caught ended up losing a limp as punishment. Anyway back to the account.

I should feel sorry for the lady, but frankly I was excited and impressed by the simplicity of the robbery. The bus was traveling on the highway. The perpetrator after snatching some thing from the lady jumped the bus, casually ran across the highway to the opposing traffic lane and crossed that and hopped behind a biker who was waiting for him and drove away. It was obvious at that point they choose that spot because of the speed of the traffic and presence of the bus stop. The entire crime took him like 15 seconds from point of snatching to escape on bike.

I have always hoped to witness some crime. Simply because I always day dreamed to be jumping to the rescue and saving the day. Well in this case, before I could even realize what was happening, the bugger was across the road and approaching the bike. I was watching all this inside the bus talking to some one on the phone.

Damn I didn’t have sense and jump out the window. Damn there was no abandoned vehicle nearby for me to give chase. Damn the robber for not stopping and showing his arrogance, during which time I would have been ready to chase him.

Anyway most of us in the bus just stared dumbfound, some of the fellow passengers chattering something in Marathi. After a few minutes, we continued on our way, the incident mostly forgotten. I too could have. But I decided to pen it down would be doing justice to that lady.

Of course my motions would have been totally different if it was from me something was stolen. I would probably want to murder the guy. But he made a wise decision and went for the lady’s stuff.

Suffice to say I am glad I decided to go by bus that day!

I am Bored

2008-09-25T06:14:00.001-07:00

Does it seem like the days are getting more and more boring that you are getting numb to the feeling.

It is becoming more like get up from bed. Take a bath. Go to work. Work work work. Get back.
Nowadays the work part seems like blur. Not because it’s fast and exciting but simply cos u can’t remember what is so worth that u did at work and it all seems a blur.

I slept so well last night. Beautiful deep sleep. That is rare. But when I arrived at work and spend an hour here, I am sleepy again. I am sitting here and yawning away.
Yawn.. Even now!

My mind can’t think of ideas. And at last today I get a job that requires some thinking and I can’t seem to do so.
My favorite work nowadays is to keep calculating how much our project cost. It involves no brains. Its easy esp. with excel. No need to think, just type in the nos. but now I have to think.

My thoughts keep revolving back to the fact that I have no other thoughts. I try think and all I think is about the fact I can’t think.
I would like to blame all this on Monday blues, but deep down it aint. I simply lost my will to work here.
People who knew few years earlier would be surprised at such a comment of mine. I was known as a workaholic.
I thought I was one too. I was proud of that.
Then I met my boss. He is a true workaholic. I am proud now I aint what he is.

Work life balance. The attempt to balance your work and personal time.
Here, it’s a slow realization that works is life and balance everything else in the few hours away from it. No one seems to realize there is more in life than just work.

Question to all.
Would u find work close to where u live or will live close to where u work?

Answer to all
Should there be either such consideration?

STORIES OF ABSENTMINDEDNESS!!

2008-03-17T08:36:00.001-07:00

Stories of absent minded ness!

I am an absent minded person. Some say it’s a sign of a genius. Some say it’s a sign that I might get Alzheimer. I know while I lie the idea of being a genius, I definitely don’t like the idea of not recognizing that fact. But anyway we are side tracking. The main point of this write up is to mention instance of my absent minded activities. Here are a few…..

The simple absent minded habit of wearing the shirt inside out and walking around are one for which I have a claim on. Similarly forgetting to zip up after taking pee is another. But these are common ones that could happen to many. But I have more.

Everybody stops while moving on the way to buy something, or pay for something while on a hurry. I am always fixated on the hurry part that there are times where I moved on failing to pay for the services rendered to me. Of course this can end up in dangerous repercussion if I always didn’t have this lost look on my face. It practically is my best help. Like for example I was so lost in my thoughts one day while walking along bandstand that initially I forgot to pay for a corn cob I bought. When I paid for it I forgot to take the corn cob as I was leaving. Yes I am very proud of that one.

I have brought up with good manners. I been thought after eating food, I should clear the table and wash the plates. I realized these good manners have been too much ingrained in my genes. I end up following this habit even in restaurants and canteens too. I would be having a good meal, lost in my thoughts, and when I finish, I stand up , take my plate and take it along with me to the wash room for cleaning. It is only when people stare at me that I realize what I done. Again my embarrassed and sheepish smile sort saves me some grace. But there are times when I would also have to scuttle out of the restaurant.

Well today a recent case of absentmindedness occurred. I was standing in the line in the canteen and I was musing on absurdity of the sign ‘don’t miss use the napkin’. It was then I realized that I reached the position for the dish I wanted to eat without actually taking a tray from beginning of the line. Suffice to say I put on a brave face, walked to the beginning of the line and took the tray. Stupid sign!!

An incident that occurred in college that I still remember is my close touch at failing a paper. It was the exam of heat transfer. I had written the apper well and after the stipulated time for the paper, I collected my things and walked back to my dorm room. Fast forward 2 hours later when I opened my bag to take something out, I found that among the stuff I collected from the desk in the examination hall, I had also bagged my own exam answer sheet. I scooted from ther immediately with the paper in my hand to my professor. I begged him and luckily for my face, he accepted the paper and decided not to punish. May he not burn in hell unlike many others wish him to. Yup he wasn’t that popular but he is forever in my good books.

What I mention now is the worst instance of my absentmindedness. I was traveling in the local Mumbai trains to work. During the 40 min ride, I had decided to pass time by sending flirtatious SMS to a girl I was courting. As my involvement was absolute in this activity, I failed to notice that my stop has arrived. I rushed out and was walking towards the cabs when I realized something was odd. A weight seems to be less on my shoulders. It was suddenly with a painful jerking thought I recognized that I had forgotten to take my laptop that I kept on the rack. Yes I had lost the laptop that my company had issued me. To compound to the loss, I had kept my parents flight tickets too in that laptop bag. Well suffice to say I have been til now saving up money to pay for that laptop.

So I am sure the very seriousness of my absent mindedness is driven in all. I am sure my friends after reading this would be gracious enough to bring forth many instance of my absentmindedness that I forgotten in my typical nature. So I say to them, bring it forth!!!

The wait

2008-03-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

The wait

Patience is a virtue that is much advertised about. It is indeed a great one to have. I am especially a patient person. I have amazing patience with people and many other things. But the question I wanna ask is when it is too much?
When is having patience to a degree beyond necessary!?

I am writing this as I sit and wait for someone. Is it testing my patience? No, cos I am used to it. And probably I would wait even more, but I wonder to what extend. My patience isn’t strained at this point. I am not irritated. I have been waiting for an hour now and probably could wait an hour more. But is it worth it?

I hate wasting my time. I am a guy who likes planning my day to the minute. But ever since this patience for a wait set in. I have grown less respectful for my time in the same degree others have. Is that right?

Sometimes I wish I had no patience with people. The ability to get angry and let it out is actually a great one. A ability I wish I always could easily call forth for. But my sense of reason always argues and fizzle out any such rising emotion. Maybe its also that I have no guts to burst forth. Unlikely but possible too.

The last time I do remember getting real angry (mind u this based on my rather poor memory) was in 10th standard where I literally blew and pounced on a guy whacking him. Oh I hated that feeling then but nowadays I wish I could call it forth now. Not to whack anyone but at least let them hear a piece of my mind.

But what can I say, even as I sit typing this written form of a rant I am anything but blowing steam through my ears. In contrast, writing this is probably just letting me cool down.

So what was again the purpose of this article.

Sighhhh………………..to let of steam…what else!?

Wait another hour and u may see a second one!

THE MALADY OF A HUG!

2008-03-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

THE MALADY OF A HUG

Life has brought my fair share of instances where I have been hugged. Some are romantically inclined, while others out of friendship and yet others for lending support or for support. Now I am all ok with the practice of hugging for all above reasons and some more. Though what I am not ok are unexplainable ones. You don’t know what to do with unexplainable ones. I dunno if I am expected to hug back in such cases or feel offended or do nothing.

I aint saying that I hate it. No, all I am saying is that these hugs have me confused.
No bloody perverts, not ‘confused’ as in confused about my sexuality, but confused as in the purpose of the hug.

Now many would wonder why I am ranting about hugs here. I again point out this aint a rant. This is a civilised introspective dialogue with the readers, monosyllabic maybe but nevertheless a dialogue. Thus dialogue is inspired by a recent hug I from a very high ranking board member of the company I work for. It wasn’t the hug itself that confused but more the circumstances.

This is the plot. I walked into the gentleman’s office for a matter. The situation with the matter involved a bit of mild inconvenience for him which made him mildly irritated to put it mildly. Anyway he calmed down decided to deal with the matter with all its inconvenience, damn admirable I must say. Later on the same evening I went to met him to get a feedback on the matter. I was informed by his secretary that our gentlemen seemed to be still a bit peeved about the whole affair, to put it mildly. The wise secretary (though in retrospect not that wise) suggested I get my senior and let him enter the lions den. So I called in the reinforcement in the avatar of my senior.

But somewhere along the way some sort miscommunication happened as a result of which my senior conveyed to the gentleman that I was standing outside scared to enter like a rat quivering outside the lions den. On hearing this, the gentleman was apologetic and surprised. He called me in and upon seeing profusely apologised and tried comforting me in the assumption I was scared of him. He further tried pacifying with a handshake and when I thought that was that, he came around the table and hugged me.

Suffice to say I was baffled and felt the entire situation surreal. I had to hug him back and I was immediately distracted by the nice way his suit material felt. Thus here I was standing like idiot all grinning while this fine hearted gentleman was saying sorry and hugging me. I was bloody confused at the entire scene that seems to have unfolded. As I left the office in a daze, I literally shook my head to clear the old noodle. I realised I was just hugged by a guy who even needn’t know of my existence for no apparent reason.

For a long time now I have spend pondering over the hug. It baffled me, this hug and that man. I wouldn’t say I lost sleep over it but definitely a few winks. I asked all the experts of hugging manner of big men, even they were baffled. Most tried to mollify me by saying, be glad it wasn’t hugs and kisses. Now that would have been even more troubling. Anyway whatever they said, I was still perturbed.

A few days later I met the gentleman for another matter. As we were discussing the trivialities of that matter, my mind was building up the courage to get into the core of that hug. It seems it was then he remembered who I was (till that point I was messenger boy) and went on to explain how his ego got him peeved and the result of which I got scared (which I like to point out I was not) and he felt the need to comfort me. I guess now that’s why he hugged me. It was to comfort me. Well nicely intended though it did anything but comfort me au contraire it just made me bloody antsy.

Some one should give him a hand books on how to hug and find me a handbook to interpret these hugs. Any way the incident has left its mark on me and I have been rather more receiving of hugs in more good faith. Of course that just means more chance more lecherous people to take advantage of my innocence.

BORE THE DUM!!

2008-03-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

BORE THE DUM!!

I have read the news for the day. I read all the gossips in the newspaper. You can only call them gossips now since none seem worthy to be called news. I finished picking my nose and licking away the coffee stain on my pant. After doing all this fulfilling activities I was bored. Of course I did the earlier activities on the account that I was bored but the difference now is that I have no other worth while activities to divulge myself in.

I could as usual doodle, but I am bored of drawing profiles of rather twisted faces that I see in my head. I could research online for places I can go for my usual romantic tryst (read steaming hot sex) with my girl friend but scourges of the corporate has blocked my success to find such places. I have already tried out the different connotations brewed by the coffee machine and my imaginative mind ( esp the lemon coco coffee combo, the tasteful worthiness of which shall be discussed elsewhere), so that options out too.

I could, as part of preparations to my ..ahem…romantic tryst, send sweet nothing mails to my gal all day but unfortunately she seems busy all day or even worse has unfavourable thoughts on the romantic tryst slated for later on. Also in the same spirit I could mail irritating & humorous mails to many people and bug them. That’s cos the mails are humorous to me and irritating to them. But I seemed to have forwarded all I have.

I can’t read a book here and even if I could I have finished whatever books I had. My mp3 is not working which on later reflection is good cos I didn’t like the songs I had in it . I couldn’t change the songs cos the bloody software is screwed up and I can’t change the songs. So no music for me.

I could indulge in self attentive activities like pulling dandruff from my hair…but no more dandruff left (the shampoo worked too well). I could pull hair from my nose or arse, but too painful. I realise now my options are shifting from a rather mindless to a disgustingly gross activity. I could take a walk but I too lazy and it’s hot. I could eat but it aint time for lunch yet and later I would get more hungry if I have an early lunch. I could indulge in a nice little chat with my colleagues but them aint as bored as I am. Their bloody loss I say!. Calling some poor sod on the phone and chatting is also an option but I was one never for on the phone impersonal gossiping. I feel more in touch with online IMing but here too the scourges of the corporate have their blighted hands at play.

Unfortunately things are getting desperate now. The more I became bored, the drowsier I was getting. But unfortunately my company had a strict no sleeping at work policy and they frown at even a small nap. The options are now dwindling and I am getting more bored of thinking of options. My eyelids are now feeling rather heavy with weight of boredom and lethargy that has been induced by the boredom. I am frantically searching for options. At this moment counting ceiling panels seems inviting, so does making paper planes. But the first options was glaringly dumb and the second a waste of paper and I knew not origami.

In the end I just took a pen and started writing. I wonder if this is how great writers are born. Maybe not writers but I am convinced surely columnists!

One Day at Work!!

2008-03-10T02:16:00.001-07:00

One Day at Work!

One day at work, I realised I was bored.
This is though not startling to the core.

I am always so bored, so they say
True it may be, especially this day!

So I dwelled on what to do with this predicament,
I pondered many options that failed to cement.

Before I knew, I was conjuring shapes on paper
Shapes that seemed would only spew from a demented reaper.

Nevertheless I decided to conjure shapes out of the air.
Demented weird or evil it may be, not to care, seem to e fair.

‘Oh why so?’ asks the horde.
I answer, ‘simply because I realised I was bored.’

THE BRAIN DEAD MOVEMENT

2008-01-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

THE BRAIN DEAD MOVEMENT

The brain dead movement is a unofficial struggle brought forth by the brain less class of leaders that run a country. They decided that through this movement by making the masses brain dead they wud do some good and expect to divert the country in a direction of absolute waste and confusion. The catch is once the masses are brain dead they would know none the better. The logic of this plan is that they hold in reserve a not so brain dead candidate who they bring out in the final hour as the messiah and who brings in idea which at that time seems clever but in the present state of firing grey cell would be still stupid. So now the brain dead masses follow the leader and soon rise to a state of semi brain dead…. At which point the rival party of bain dead leaders who lead another brain dead movement to revert us all back to nill gray cell activism!
So this is an end cycle from which the masses rise from semi brain deadness to full scale moron ness!! One might as where are the intellectuals and the clever ppl. Where are they indeed? I have a theory that when the intelligent folks come near the brain dead ..the over powering brain dead rays coming from the masses just shuts down all their power and they revert to a brain dead stage. Man is intelligent… ppl are brain dead!

Let us now dwell deep into brain deadness. Why is there so much brain dead ppl exist? What poses a mass of ppl lose last realms of sane thought and go on rampages that are violent destructive and cause pain. There are many theories going around on this. My favourite brought up by a noted thinker Mr. Reyan Remar . he suggests that during such mass get together the rising heat causes pheromone levels through sweating rise. These levels in such huge mass combined quantity which detected by the olfactory senses of our brains, which he suggest are linked with brain dead behavior. Though in a short word ..when masses get together ..the stink make them brain dead. This theory thus also suggest why certain ppl have more brain deadening effect on people than many others. This mainly cos they sweat more. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the people in question are brain dead themselves. If u notice sweaty ppl are the last to notice their stink. So they have natural defense. So these ppl are the lucky ones who are un affected mostly and always end up looking cleverer than the most.

So what can we do for this. Deodorants.. talc powders are clever sublime products brought forward by well meaning companies against this rising threat. What we need now is a spread of awareness among the people about this threat. Companies making the deo’s should point out to the treat directly in their ads! Its now their social responsibility. I am sure they can get tax exemption from government my linking this in part with their corporate responsibility. What else is there.? Avoid getting together in large groups I wonder if that aint too radical a measure? Well in these dire times I guess radical measures are needed. Maybe that is why curfew are there and in some countries they say ppl above a certain numbers need permission to congregate! They feel the potential danger of such an act. These governments must be really clever.

A situation I recently noticed of this mass phenomenon is the traveling of people in Mumbai in the local trains. At times of rush people are squeezed together and crushed in a small space where obviously there will be a huge rise in pheromone levels. What else wud u expect in such an environment. There is cussing, rude and angry behaviour where minutes are not gone when u here verbal duels going on where each try to intimidate the other into submissions. This is not observed in a near empty train. More reason to believe in Mr. reyan’s theories?

CHANGES

2007-12-11T07:48:00.000-08:00

CHANGES

Any one who knows me or have talked to me for at least an hour would have heard me tout the beauty of change. I decided I shall put this view down so that people who didn’t talk to me anytime will come to find why I live for changes.

Time and life is a continuous process of change….one day is never the same as a previous day. There are people who say they want change but in the same breath expect stability. I say to these people who look at stability that one can only achieve a sate of pseudo stability by just simple adapting to changes.

Woes are those who try to fight the winds of change. Because the stronger u fight the wind…the faster the wind turns into a storm. A storm or a hurricane which will blow you off your feet and turn your world upside down. In these ways changes are almost always accompanied by despair and violence.

A current example in an Indian context would be the rise in Hindu fundamentalism…or any kind of overt show of religious fervor. Which change are they fighting? I say most are fighting the change in shift of faith. NO! I aint talking about people converting religion. I am talking about the slow seepage of faith in people as more and more people are beginning to lose their faith in the dogma of religion and slowly in the institution of GOD. In response to this rising ‘godlessness’ the devouts are thumbing their chest crying more loudly about the greatness of religion and denounce almost anything modern or what they call ‘western’ which supposedly is causing this.

The funny thing is instead of joining forces and fighting the rising loss of faith. The so called vanguards of each religion divert their frustration and anger at each other.

And here comes the violence, destruction which leaves many of the faithful dead and the faithless shaking their heads. And they hope to fight changes.

Civilization or countries that still fight changes are the ones we observe to be the most backward, under developed and simmering with civil tension and war.

Another example of change is globalization. It is one of the main pave makers for change and one of the better examples that most people do accept and embrace. Of course globalization too has its opposition. But the points of opposition of these opposition if taken ignoring many other of their ramble would actually only help in fine tuning the globalization agenda that would benefit the most.

Now change in a more personal perspective. I love changes mainly because I get bored of things fast. I require challenges that are thrown in my time to time with differences so that I won’t have a book to refer for solutions or procedures. Of course any corporate house would hate to face any such kind of challenges. I mean their entire process would be jeopardy if some thing doesn’t have a procedure. But any good corporate would have a crisis management team. That’s where I would belong. The down side is when it comes to personal life. Ur family or spouse not necessarily enjoy your views on the issue. A more scary thought that at times come to my head is... Would I get bored of the person I love?

My comfort with change though has helped me deal with new situations, change in locations, adapt to differences in dealing and forming a whole new plethora of relationships at the new place. But the same easiness has prevented me from getting real close to people beyond a certain point and it finds me incapable of calling any place home.

Blessed are they who feel love for one place. Cursed are they too when they let that love blind them. This love blinds them from the winds of change concerning that place. They can’t expect a place, its people and the values always to remain same. It is bound to change because changes are happening in other parts of the world. And with such an interconnected world as now the other changes influence changes closer to home. I feel this love can be a liability if one doesn’t have an open mind. People talk about patriotism as a deterrent to change. My reply is so did the Nazi’s call themselves patriots.

Changes occur in perception of morality and what is right. A hundred years ago….sati, dowry, child marriage etc was pretty common place and accepted as norm. But now all these are against the law and punishable. The American mental association used to call before homosexuality as a mental disease till they removed it from their list when people began to accept homosexuality as something more natural than abnormal. So perceptions changes with time and new thoughts. There are even people who even don’t accept these changes in perceptions even now and fight against it. They then tend to be more and more ostracized and in their anger turn violent against the previous segment who were outcasts. I would though in matters of homosexuality India still have a lot to change.

What we also observe now is the speed of change. Even the most progressive minded and change embracing people nowadays find it difficult to keep changing themselves along with change. This mismatch happens not in all specters of life but there are certain weak points for some. In my own case I admit, being what I consider a change embracing guy, I find it difficult to keep abreast and adapt myself to changes in technology connected to computers and mobiles. My techno-challenged self thus finds it difficult at times to compete with many other better techno savvy people. But nevertheless I am trying. But there are many such people in this world who find themselves in similar situation and only bother to complain.

Soon the speed of change is going to be at a very fast rate that in some way some how…we all be left in the dust. Therefore I believe we would see a shift of importance to the youth. I don’t mean the 20 some thing youth but 15 something kids. Every corporate or powerhouse of any sort in the world is going to turn to them to be kept abreast of changes. We shall also see a decrease in the age of management in many places. The CEO’s of companies are going to be getting only younger and more dynamic to be abreast. The sway of business proficiency has always been with the ones who embraced change and now onwards it is going to be more so. We see technology companies increasing the frequency with they bring out new prototypes and new models. Less is becoming the fear from companies about coming out with some thing way ahead of time because even as that thought enters someone’s head that time is here.

So I say embrace change. People say the are lot of constant in this world. I say there is only one and that is change. So life is completely about changes and how u cope with it. You ride the wave of change until we reach the only absolute i.e. death.

I end this simple by these lines……

CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT

DEATH IS THE ONLY ABSOLUTE!

2007-11-30T23:15:00.000-08:00

Faith….its seepage!

Recently in a heated discussion from a friend…. I was accused of mah atheistic belief being influenced by somebody.
Now I accept the fact hat many pl opinions and some of mine even are influenced by somebody. But in a way I am proud that the origin of mah thoughts on faith was uninfluenced but inspired! So I am posting this to let every one know the thought process that involved mah awakening!

I guess I was in the 8th or 9th when I had come for mah annual visit to India. We were doing our usual pilmigrages to temples. That entire day I noticed the amount of money we put in the donation boxes…and that was highlighted more when I noticed the amount of ppl begging outside. A simple question entered m mind.

Why don’t we just give the donation money to them!?

This particular thought started an entire train og thoughts on whats the use of depositing money.
I asked..if I believed why we need temples …or why we need to pay a lotta money to pay for all these ppl related to temple!

Soon these questions lead t o me questioning my own faith and how much I did believe in god!. Then I asked the next question that really broke grounds!

Would going to temple when u don’t entirely in agreement with the principles of ones religion being hypocritical?

And…

If I did go with these doubts and belief be actually be doing something against god!!

Well I then asked ..how cud I ask this question with out going against god!!?
Answer was..i cant…the dogma of religion expects blind faith…..
The catch 22 which I wasn’t ready to fall for!!

So as the thoughts progressed… the question slowly led to if there was god…etc etc!!

Till one day I realized …I didn’t anymore believe in god!

I approached m folks with this revelation. Now I have o give credit to them for not freaking out and not try to force the concept down my throat!
The decided to talk to me and try to convince me. I guess they thought I was in a phase and I might move out of it.

Well I didnt..i any thing I read more about it…observed more.. thought more.. became more convinced!! I also later discovered the word atheist describing me.

So mah thoughts on atheism was born with in me thank introduced by any one else….
Later on the I admit cud have been supplemented by other stuff.!

But the original sin of questioning was mine.

And I am proud of that!!

scared!!!

2007-11-30T09:15:00.000-08:00

i am so scared and i am running.
i am so scared and i am leaving.

but where?

where am i running to?
where am i leaving for?

i am clueless....
i am so fucking clueless!

i am clueless....
i am so fucking clueless!

why oh why am i so?
why oh why am i so?

i am so confused and i am searching...
i am so confused and i am looking!

but what?

what am i searching for?
what am i looking for?

i am clueless....
i am so fucking clueless!

i am clueless....
i am so fucking clueless!

why oh why am i so?
why oh why am i so?

2007-11-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

Dreams not remembered

Ever had dreams that u cant remember…
I always had them only…..dreams…beautiful, bad , scary, bizarre…all the works…
All the dreams of all variety..Unable to remember.

Very night after a fitful fluttering of eyes…one falls asleep
I know that I have had dreamt dreams while asleep..

But remember them I do not.
Why I don’t I know not.

Leads me to ask others…
If they remember theirs!

Yes …of course…duh….
They all answer..

No ….course not….huh?
wud be mah answer!

So I try not to sleep…
no matter how much I love to sleep!.

In the end that plan fails ..
As I end sleeping dreamless sleeps after all..
.

Dreams ….what use they to u. .if u cant remember them.
Only kinda dreams I have are day dreams….who wants them!

Dreams …am I better with or without them

single man .....not looking anymore

2007-11-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

SINGLE MAN……..NOT LOOKING ANYMORE

Ever since I turned 18 and reaslised that I am single and lonely, I had been on the look out for a girl. A good year following this realization, I soul searched with in myself trying o figure out what kinda girl I would like. When mah standards were laid down I could see that finding one who fit the bill would be rather difficult in mah near bouts. But I didn’t lose hope and decided to continue mah quest.
During these periods besides gaining a reputation as a flirt..(Though no one can give good definition of that) ….i had few near hits. I wouldn’t even call them near hits considering the fact that they never took off. But hope still remained and I trudged along.

For 4 years I continued this quest. During that period I have realized this oxymoronic situation existed in my case. Girls I was not attracted to….considered me a nice, funny and good friendly guy. On the other hand, gals I indeed were attracted to ended up thinking I was one with an attitude…shit…asshole….immature ..etc and so many more not so nice stuff.
I just could be too hard on myself. I aint that sure. It is all in perspective when u look at it. For just for name sake of being hooked, I could have been so long ago. I aint that bad a looking guy, so there is no reason why not. But to do so I would be compromising on certain things I was looking in a girl and would be subduing certain traits about myself.
I didn’t do any of this! To compromise on the girl wud be being false to myself and unfair on the girl I compromise for. To change mah traits wud be wrong to mayself..cos these are the traits that define me as an individual and repel most gals away...sad as it may seem. I aint just a guy who was looking for a void to stick mah phallus in (though up there at list of priorities). At the expense of sounding crude and romantic at the same time, I want someone I wud love just to talk to between the times we were doing it. Suffice to say I was still single.
Soon the state of affairs made me dwell moe deeply and ask a question…..why?
A friends…,a gal at that, once suggested that it was because I am guy who is an open book or appeared to be so. This lack of mystery in me, I am told it aint that great a trait especially combined with a frank attitude. Ask me about anything….i would tell what I do think about it. Ask me about myself.. I would easily tell u what’s what. Then to top it all….in keeping with essence of that attitude I too ask lot of questions. In the end I appear as a guy moving very fast. What can I say... I am a full throttle guy running purely on enthusiasm and energy trying to make the rest of me match my brain. Thus my natural exuberant wild nature many a times came across to many females as…..for lack of better word….idiotic!!!
An amusing situation as a perfect example would be when a gal who after getting to be comfortable with me a little more admitted that when he friends and her initially interacted with me, their initial impression of me was that I was a ‘dumbo’.. (her exact words). Of course she admitted over a period of month she had changed her opinion to…’ he is okay!!’ Not much but definitely better than ‘dumbo’. This story just amused me and made me more resolved to be just myself because I like what I am.
So many such personal quirks and eccentricities of mine have come in the way of a soul mate. But I rather have a gal out there who wud love me for these eccentricities and identify with it……sign……hopefully!!

Now I am 22. finished college and out in the rat race and living off mah on sweat. It has brought me to the city of Mumbai. A city whose charms are enchanting and still a lt more waiting to be discovered. Considering the variety of people that resides in this city the possibility of me just finding a gal is more unlike mah college which was situated in a back country far away from civilization location known as Calicut. But now I aint looking anymore. At lest not trying to look or keep it in the top priorities. I have decide not revolve mah activities around this any more.

Why so u may ask??

I am indeed lonelier than ever. But from many talks with many friends who seems to have found their soul mates have constantly said the same point….

Love cometh when u not looking!!

So I have decided to give this oxymoronic theory a shot. I have decided to live mah life not revolving around the purpose of meeting any gals. I am going to coaching classes….not to meet gals but to train myself. I am going to clubs….not to meet babes but to dance mah heart out. I am going to pubs…not to meet babes but to have a nice drink and listen to good music. I go to plays and shws…not to meet he babes but to satisfy mah artsy input and needs.
This plan I realize has more chances of success.
Since I aint looking. I aint talking.
Since I aint talking…I aint volunteering anything about me or asking too much back.
Since I aint doing those….i appear more mysterious.
See… it can work. Also since I am already doing things I am enthusiastic about…the babes coming at theses places are those who probably wud share similar interest. So I don’t have to worry about appearing over enthusiastic or exuberant. I would just appear as a guy deeply involved in what’s going on. Of course I am still horny as ever. But shall manage as always.

So hre I declare in this public world of the web…here is a single man not looking anymore for anyone…….
so he may at last have some chance for finding someone.

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P.S

If any gals interested after reading this…do give a buzz….i aint expecting it…but are free to buzz!!!

2007-11-24T09:06:00.000-08:00

DAY DREAMS

The power of concentration and focus has much been something vaunted and idolized on about. I do not deny these qualities importance or preference. They are important in success, direction about life etc!!
But I choose to talk about day dreams!
When I say day dream, it is about zoning out everything else around you and letting ur mind free and wonder. I personally have got this down to an art. I mean it aint advisable to daydream at work if u can’t carry it off with out any one noticing. But I have the ability to just zone out with out an one realizing…I wud be miles away and u wud be thinking I am thinking bout what u said or concentrating on something else.
The down side is that mah daydream systems are automatic and wud be active when I am slightly bored. So if a guy explaining how to do some life saving procedure and is slightly boring……I wud then automatically be miles way playing the sx on a beach with mah dog around and a babe in bikini is coming out of the water and wants an oil rub and me the only guy around etc etc…….

See I went off again in mah own dream world!

Many people have many positions of daydreaming. May it be walking, standing; sitting etc. the challenge is to always have an awareness of things happening outside ur daydreams. I always move around with a vague awareness. I need that cos…I do most of mah daydreaming walking and u have to have some awareness in consideration of ones health.

Daydreaming at times is about conversations with oneself. It wud be about self reflection and contemplation leading to soul searching, sudden realizations etc. these realizations could be abut oneself, others or some other miscellaneous things like…why did the chicken cross the road?

Most of my daydreams involve me being a great martial artist and weaponry guy invoking vengeance on all the terrorists of this world a k a Indian James bond!
Some others meanwhile involve romantic endeavors with mah non existent girlfriends. Of course the faces of all girlfriends are still blank in mah dreams or substituted by hot babe actresses. But that said the most favorite of mah daydreams wud be of me being a hot shot business guy with the first daydream as mah past and the second as mah future.

Now all mah day dreams are much planned to details. So well that in the initial type of daydreams I wud have decided the type and make of the gun I am using and the tactics and strategy I wud use against the terrorist’s. I wud have decide the name of all mah characters and their special quirks and the dialogues in that scene of mah daydreams.

Now all I have to do is put this on paper with a story line and make it into a movie.

Speaking of which…I too have daydreams about me making movies of mah daydreams!!... Coincidence??????

time spend alone!!!

2007-11-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

Time spent alone!

What kind of life does a guy have if the most contemplative time he had is on his own! but wait u wud say….doesn’t everybody!?

To which I say.. Hell yeah!!…
but at times some ppl had some things told to them! For 20 years of my life that’s not so the case……people have told me things that I had vague suspicion about myself. But that’s not like the “hit in ur gut epiphanies’ one get…like I do when I think on mah own.

Today I had spent the entire time on mah own…watching T.V ,drinking,….chomping on food…reliving pressure that a horny young man holds up!
Especially horny young man who never got laid yet!...
In that sense when u consider what I was contemplating about most…it wud be about how to get laid and why I aint laid yet!
Now that aint something nice to think about cos it really lowers ur mood!....so putting that aside!

So today as I got up rather late …the day started with me contemplating how to spent the day….well I decided to fuck planning and just lounge away the day infront of T.V and the charms of orkut!
So I spend the entire d in a boxer short in front of the T.V and and talking to ppl over the net.
Many of you may be thinking at this moment…. ’boxer shorts’?
And well then there wud be some of u thinking ….. boxer shorts…nice!!
Yes for those who may not know…there are certain freedom walking around in ur skivvies….a feel of swinging freedom…pun entirely intended!!

Ok …in a side point….ppl always claim the T.V as the idiot box…claim unfair stuff about it. .
I feel I should defend it. i spend a lot of my time in front of it…and most of my deep reckoning about stuff of life in general has been in front of it!.

Now u may ask why I need a T. v to be pensive or think. Some times a direction of thought can be lead by that good’ ole tube..!
Besides these charms of the T.V …it is very informative on an matters if u care to learn.
It makes u a critic. You decide what kinda shows are good or bad!
You can judge or get an idea of a person by what he sees.

Enough defending for now!

So as I crash on the couch thinking ….i think about the future what I wanna do….and in thtat train the thoughts go drifting………..and drifting …..drifting
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Oh wait. .i think I was daydreaming….no umm…thinking!!!!
Now daydreaming….that’s something else to talk about!!